Fixer

He promised me.

Long before we were dating, perhaps even before we had given it any thought, he made me a promise.

We were sitting in my kitchen, humming along with Coldplay (which was playing softly in the background), talking about whatever came to mind. Then “Fix You” came on and we both went quiet. I remember having a thousand thoughts race across my mind and I was lost in my own little world for a minute, completely out of reach.

Then his voice pulled me back.

“‘Tears streaming down your face…'” he said. He looked at me, his blue-green eyes gazing into my soul. “I promise that if you ever feel this way, I will fix you.”

My brain stopped spinning entirely. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. I mean, sure, I got hugs from friends when I was upset, with pats on the back and “There, there, it’s all right”s, but it had never been anything that blatant, that honest. Here was someone who was really willing to help me when I was crumbling, even though we’d met only a few weeks before.

I can’t say I remember what I replied with. We were just getting to know each other, and I’m pretty sure I said I’d fix him too. But I do remember how his words made me feel and how much they’ve stuck with me.

But what gets me even more is how true he’s been to the promise he made that girl living next door to him last year. He could have forgotten about it entirely and just left me to deal with my own problems, as I feel many guys would do.

Not him. No, every time I have an emotional meltdown, he comes over and takes me in his arms. He holds me until it’s all out, until the last teardrop has been shed and I can cry no more. He passes me the roll of toilet paper I’ve stolen from our bathroom and helps me dry my eyes. He listens through the sniffles to my problems, my fears, my frustrations and tells me it’ll be alright. Nevermind that he has homework to do. Nevermind that his shirt’s now covered in his girlfriend’s tears and snot. Nevermind that he wasn’t the cause of it, that he shouldn’t be the one on the receiving end of my meltdown. He just pulls me closer and rubs my back, always patient, always kind. And once I’m done he tilts my chin up until I can see into his wonderful ocean eyes with my puffy red ones. He smiles and once again looks into my soul and tells me he loves me, making the world bright again.

He fixes me.

Never once has he wavered from his promise, and for that I am so incredibly grateful.

Sometimes it flat-out baffles me that I have come to find someone so wonderful in the world. I have been so lucky and so blessed by God to be able to call him my best friend and my boyfriend. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve him, but all I can hope is that I can give him everything he’s given me.

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