On patience and other things

I feel beautiful today.

Not for any particular reason. I mean, I guess partially because I’m wearing a new dress. I bought it online from a new-to-me retailer – Boden, who makes British-inspired clothes for tall people (as well as normal and kid-sized folks too!). The dress is pink and flowery, somewhat out-of-the-ordinary of what I normally wear, which is exactly why I bought it. I’ve gotten a lot of comments on it, people saying I look very spring-ready, cheery and bright, which makes me happy.

I’ve also been actively working on being patient with myself. I was listening to a podcast yesterday about a man with anxiety who developed an online bot to quash the scary voice in his head. It made me think about all of the negative things I tell myself on a daily basis, about how unproductive I am or how I failed to work out enough or eat right or how what I’m doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. Even the stupidest things I’d berate myself for. If I missed a streetlight even, Sarah, you should have walked faster, you should have left sooner, just so you could make this one light.

It dawned on me that I’d never tell the people I love those things – so why am I telling them to myself?

Now every time it pops up, I put an end to it right away. There’s only so much I can do to better myself, but this constant pessimistic soundtrack is doing nothing to help. If anything, it’s making it worse.

So yes. New dress, less negativity. I’m also listening to a playlist my sister told me about (Coffee House Blend on Spotify, if anyone’s interested) full of singer-songwriter/indie tunes and not rushing through work. It’s sunny outside, and I get to see Davis tonight. I have so much to be thankful for. Life’s looking pretty good at the moment.

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