Looking Better

Hey there. I’m just getting ready to go to bed, but before I do, I thought I should post a little to destress and share a few rays of sunshine I’ve recently experienced with you 🙂

1) Thanksgiving was excellent – I went home for it the first time in a few years and it was nice to see everyone and everything again. Especially the fall colors – the drive was gorgeous! My sister spent the weekend before with me at school, which was great fun, and then we went home together.

2) Upon returning back to school, life of course became infinitely more stressful, especially because I have a HUGE test tomorrow that I’ve been preparing for. So it definitely made me smile, after spending hours studying electrical engineering, to notice this on my bathroom floor:

That’s right: I’ve got a smiley face on the floor of my bathroom. 😀 Definitely brightened my day!

3) And upon coming back home after our mini-Thanksgiving break, I found our apartment decorated out to the max for Christmas. Oh goodness. So much excitement. I LOVE the holidays 😀 I also now have Christmas lights up in my desk cave that make me so so happy (pictures to come 🙂 ).

4) You know what else is awesome? Country music. And Christmas music. And making new friends. And talking about weddings. And meeting with photographers. And getting excited about LIFE and all it has to offer.

5) Okay, where I was really going with the opening of the previous number before I got sidetracked by life’s little things: having the motivation to exercise is awesome. Going to the gym started out as “I should do this, I should get in shape for my wedding/the half-marathon I want to run in ten months, blah blah blah, drag my feet” but now it’s something I’m really excited about doing! I LOVE the way I feel after I work out. I love running to country music on the ellipticals and holding yoga poses. I just feel so excellent about myself. And on top of this I feel like my efforts have started to show. Now that I’m not focusing on losing weight and am rather just liking the exercise, I’m toning my body and making it look awesome. How cool is that?!

A few more things on this note: I think I’m finally starting to see the appeal in running, and I’m actually trying to run myself. I ran twice over Thanksgiving and I felt sooo good afterwards. My muscles burned like no other the next day, but that was part of the reward! I’m also motivating my family to exercise, which feels great. I feel like I’m getting in shape and they see that they can too. My mom ran with me the second time I went at home, and I’m so proud of her!

Also – and maybe this is what’s spurring this on just a little bit – I received a disguised compliment from my grandma while at home. For about as long as I can remember, my grandma has thought that I’ve been… well… fat (and has told me this repeatedly). While I recognize that I’m a big person – I’m 6’1″, for goodness sake – my doctors have never said that I’ve been overweight. I’m totally proportional, just a little bit taller. Still, this is something that I struggle with simply because it’s in my head that I’m fat. So when I saw her (my grandma, that is) when I got home last Tuesday, she said, “Sarah! You’re looking better!”

I’m looking… better? Like there was something wrong with me in the first place? I mean, I guess to her, there was… but hey, I’m looking better! I choose to think about this not in a negative way – I recognize that she thought (and probably continues to think) I’m overweight, and there’s nothing I can do to change her prospective of me – but instead, I’ve taken it as a compliment. To me, this means that my exercising has started to pay off – yes! 🙂 Now I’m bothered that my gym time is being cut into by homework… I’m not such a fan, but it’s okay because I get to go tomorrow after my exam!

So this progress in exercising… why does this make me so happy? Mostly because now that I’ve started, I don’t ever want to stop.

6) Life’s started to look shiny again. By which I mean, things just have a way of looking so so good, even if not everything is perfect or going smoothly or whatever. It’s the feeling I get when I listen to a really good song and can hear every note. The one that strikes me when I stop and look around and just marvel at how amazing life is. The shine had disappeared for the past few weeks – for whatever reason, I had less of those moments than usual. But it’s coming back again, and I’m finding those little things that just make me grin like crazy. Like that happyface in the bathroom – so random and so small, but still so wonderful.

7) It’s windy outside… and it’s late. I have a test tomorrow, and time planned out to exercise. And a date. 😀 I should sleep and dream sweet dreams about everything good in life.

More on Getting Old

I’m doing a project with an Alzheimer’s home, and up until last Monday, that didn’t really phase me at all. And then we visited. And oh gosh.

It. was. so. sad.

Not because there’s anything wrong with the facility, or how they treat the people there, because honestly, they give them probably the best things for them. But these people… it’s not just that they’re old, because that doesn’t bother me. It’s that they can’t remember anything.

And that terrifies the shit out of me.

I’m honestly looking forward to getting old, for the most part (in due time, of course). I want happy wrinkles and grandkids and the ability to take slow short walks with the love of my life. But it’s the prospect of not remembering him – not remembering anyone – that’s just scary as hell.

The house that we’re looking at doesn’t let couples stay together – it’s just the Alzheimer’s-affected spouse. The other one has to stay home. And at that point, maybe they don’t know the difference. Maybe they don’t remember. But… but I want him there. I want him there always.

And then I start thinking about the prospect that some of these people don’t have spouses anymore. And gosh, don’t even let me go there.

And my parents! My parents. I hope, I pray this doesn’t happen to them. It scares me to think I have to choose a “home” for them. Aaaaaaah, I realize that would happen in, like, twenty-five or thirty years, but jeez. So scary. Please stay healthy, Mom and Dad.

Me being the optimist I am, I only look at the positives of growing old, like getting wrinkly forehead kisses and holding hands with my husband for then-fifty years. I don’t see the degenerating bodies – the lack of bladder control, the inability to move, the even-worse-than-I-have-it-now eyesight. I don’t see the memory loss, the suffering, the death. My grandparents’ friends are all starting to die – is that not terrifying? That’s going to be me someday. There’s nothing we can do to stop that.

I guess for now I should just continue seeing the good things in getting older. I should try to keep away from focusing on how the people I saw at the home on Monday can’t remember their kids’ names, or even who they are. I should instead just see how well they’re being taken care of, because they really are well-cared for in this state-of-the-art facility.

Keep thinking about wrinkly forehead kisses, Sarah. You’re going to be an adorable old person someday.

Dear Gentlemen:

(if you can call yourselves that)

What do you have to say for yourselves? Or rather, where do I even begin? I feel like some of you (and not all – and I am very, very grateful for all the men out there that this does not apply to) missed a day in Gentlemen Training that taught you how to treat a girl that’s engaged.

That’s right, men: Engaged. Betrothed. Affianced. However you want to put it, I’m getting married.

I have a ring on my finger and a promise from the man of my dreams, and I’m sorry, but there’s nothing that you can say or do that’s going to change my mind and my answer to him.

So please, don’t hit on me. Don’t call me “Gorgeous” or touch my hair and tell me it’s hot. Don’t ask me to “hit you up” sometime if I’m free and want to have fun when you very well know that I’m taken. I’m not an item to be drooled over, nor am I interested. Do you know how ridiculous it makes you look, trying to woo someone whose heart already belongs to someone else? Do you know how much my opinion of you drops when I know you know I’m engaged and yet you’re flirting with me anyway?

I’m not changing my mind about this, because I flat-out have the best guy in the world as my best friend and I’m getting married to him. So please, don’t even try.

And to the rest of you: to the guys out there that cherish the girls they have and treat the ones they don’t with respect, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for making me feel like an equal, not like a piece of meat. Thanks for giving me a chance to prove myself and not writing me off as “another” ditsy girl that doesn’t matter. Thanks for being my friend and for being okay that it’s “just” that. Thanks for not playing with other girls’ hearts. And above all, thanks for treating me like a person. You truly deserve the title of “gentlemen,” and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your respect toward me and to women everywhere.