Star Light, Star Bright…

I haven’t written in a while. For the past few days I’ve been consumed with finishing my online psychology class (which I found very interesting and got an A in – yay!) and once that was over I didn’t want to spend much time reading something on a computer screen, since my eyes still haven’t completely forgiven me for reading my five-hundred-page textbook digitally. But now here I am, with lots to think about and say.

My brother and sister have both become obsessed with the song “Airplane” by B.o.B. and Hayley Williams of Paramore (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn6-c223DUU). Initially I only liked the refrain, and even that I thought was kind of stupid. But the more I listen to it, the more I like it, and there’s one line that made me stop and think.

“What would you wish for, if you had one chance?”

Normally I think of wishes in sets of threes, probably because I always think of how genies (like the one in Aladdin) give their lucky recipients three chances to make all their dreams come true. And in thinking about that, I’ve always known what one of the wishes would be, if I got the opportunity: I’d want to fix my eyesight and have 20/20 vision for the rest of my life.

As a little bit of background, I’ve worn glasses since I was five, and I’ve only met two people who have worse vision than I do. My prescription is around -12.00 for each eye, which means that I really can’t see when I take my glasses off. The big E on the chart in the doctor’s office isn’t blurry; no, to me it’s just not there entirely. Vision is really important to me, and I won’t settle for anything less than, well, perfect with respect to it. I have to see crystal clearly, and I hate having smudges on my glasses. Doctors are always surprised that wearing these ridiculously strong glasses all day every day doesn’t give me headaches. Mix all this in with the fact that my eyes are my favorite part of my body, regardless of the fact that they don’t work right, and, well, you have the basis my wish.

But say I only got one wish, one chance to drastically improve my life. Would I spend it on that? Would I still just want to fix my eyesight?

I feel like that would almost be a waste.

But at the same time, I don’t know what else I’d spend it on. The only thing I really truly want right now is the security of always being happy. And I’m not talking about eradicating sadness and never feeling it again, because I think sadness is essential sometimes so that you can really know what happiness is. What I mean is, I don’t want happiness to ever be a problem for me. I always want to look at the bright side of things. I want to be able to find it, especially in my marriage if and when I do decide to get married. I want to be able to go to my husband and feel the happiness and love between us, from our first day of marriage to the end of our lives. I want to always embrace life and see the goodness around me. I want to always be able to smile.

But how would you wish for this? And wouldn’t it be “cheating” in life, almost, to guarantee it?

Happiness is not something I want to gamble with, but at the same time, I don’t think there’s any other way to live. There is no way to secure your own happiness. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy.

I see happiness as a choice. To me, it’s all in the perspective I have in life. I have the power to control my own happiness. Sure, other people can contribute; but it’s ultimately up to me to decide whether I want to see a situation as positive or negative. Also, I can choose to be all of the things I said above. I can smile, I can laugh, I can love. I can be this bright, happy, optimistic person forever, as long as I don’t lose sight of how to be happy.

I am absolutely terrified of growing up and becoming miserable. That’s why I wish there was some security on happiness. But the truth is, there isn’t. Happiness (and life, really) is what you make of it. And while it may not always be easy, I’m going to do my best to always see the glass as half full.

I’m rather glad genies don’t exist, and that I don’t have the power to actually make a wish. I know life will end up playing out just fine – it’s probably better that I can’t cosmically mess with it. If I’d gotten everything I’d ever wanted, I wouldn’t be where I am now. And I am so happy here that I don’t think my hypothetical life could even compare. So for now if I need to I’ll just wish on airplanes – since they aren’t really shooting stars, I don’t think it’ll make much of a difference anyway.

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